I think it is perfectly fair to say that there are days that I feel like I hate my life. Work sux, running a business is hard and can feel like a never-ending cycle of hitting my head against a brick wall, relationships and other people are complicated, never really knowing what the right way to react or respond is to circumstances, feeling and emotions. All the while memories of a past filled with a 20 year drug and alcohol-induced cycle and multiple arrests that served to help escape emotional pains and rejections often wade their way into my current reality, reminding me of multiple “failures”, clouding my gratitude for my life and successes I may have had and perpetuating sinister projections that launch themselves out of me onto people and what is going on around me.
This can all happen within 2 minutes of my day, any day and normally every day a version of this manifests itself in my psyche and onto my soul and I feel like packing it all in and giving up. Welcome to my world, bouts of mild depression and sadness often accompany all of the above because after all if its a party, the more the merrier. Low confidence and low self-esteem make constant guest appearances at this party, with DJ “Fuck this life” keeping the decks warm. Why do I do what I do today? Why should I never be afraid to take risks, speak my truth and have the courage to face adversity and walk against the grain of what is socially acceptable? Some may not like what I do, some may not understand it, heck I may not understand some of my decisions but, my experience in life serves to help others and for that, I will always be grateful. I will not regret the past or shut the door on it, it can be a difficult process to wake up and show up correctly every day, I do so to the best of my ability because I know I am not alone and someone, somewhere will benefit from hearing me speak my truth! #ManMojo